Ah, the ever-evolving acronym! This month, I want to focus on the 'Q' of LGBTQ+. The 'Q' stands for either Queer or Questioning, depending on who you ask. Sometimes the acronym is written with two Qs, one for each, but more often the two terms share the letter designation. Queer and Questioning - these two things are terms that have applied to me most of my adult life, particularly when it comes to my sexual orientation and gender identity, and I am far from alone in identifying with these terms.
Let's start with Questioning. Questioning is something that we do every day. It's in our nature as humans to question the world around us, the Whats, Hows, and Whys of the universe and ourselves. This is especially true when we're trying to figure out who we are as individuals, particularly when it comes to our identities and our potential future relationships. Personally, I think people being more inquisitive about themselves would do a lot of good. We never stop growing as humans; we keep evolving and changing day by day, week by week, and year by year. So, who is to say that our identity is the exact same from day to day, from week to week, or from year to year?
Now let's look at Queer. The dictionary definition of the word queer is 'strange, odd, or against the norm'. In relation to identity, it means that a person's sexual orientation or gender identity does not correspond to heteronormative ideals. For me, this word fits perfectly. I've never felt like I fit perfectly into one box when it came to who I liked. I was interested in people. People who identified as male, female, both, neither, or some other configuration thereof - I just liked people. I grew up in a fairly traditional family that wanted me to find a nice young man and settle down, but I knew from a young age that that was not going to be the path for me. I figured if I liked boys and girls, that meant that I must be bisexual - but I didn't really like cisgender dudes, so maybe that just meant that I was a lesbian? But I wasn't just into girls because then I met a group of transgender and gender-non-conforming folks, and my worldview opened up outside of the gender binary. So who was I? Who did I like? Who did I want to be? What did my gender identity mean to me, and how did that affect my sexual orientation? I kept questioning, kept an open mind, and finally arrived at the perfectly quixotic title of queer.
I was lucky in that the first time I heard the word queer, it was not as an insult, but in a book. However, I knew that that word was used in a negative way against people. As I got older and got more into the community, there was a movement to take the word back from those that had used it against us. The feeling of empowerment, of being able to say 'yes, this is me, and I am proud of it' was something that made me feel stronger and less afraid. I am 'against the norm', and I have never been happier.