Dear Queer Auntie,

I'm a transman, but I don't want to have any surgery or hormone therapy. I've got some health issues that would get worse with the hormones, and surgery just doesn't sound right for me. I'm also fine with keeping my birth name (so I guess it's not my dead name if it never died), because the nickname of my name is already kind of vague gender-wise. I feel like I'm betraying the community or something by not wanting these things somehow - am I not really trans?

- Worried Wix

Hello there, dearie!

First off, I want you to understand that your body is your body, and no one else's. I believe in bodily autonomy, and your body is yours to do with as you choose. If you don't want to have surgery or go through hormone therapy, that is your choice and is 100% valid. Not having surgery or hormones does NOT make you any more or less transgender than someone who has surgery or hormones. You are you, and you are allowed to be you in whatever way you feel best. Only you get to say what your identity is, if you choose to disclose it, and no one else has the right to judge you for that.

I love you very much, dearie!

Love,
Your Queer Auntie

Dear Queer Auntie,

My best friend has been struggling with their gender identity for a few years now. They've changed how they identify a few times, as well as changed their name and pronouns, and I've always supported them and respected whatever change they've made and been someone they can talk to about their problems. Recently they've been going through a lot of gender dysphoria and have been talking to me about it, but it's been a LOT more than usual, and I've been feeling uncomfortable. I've started feeling anxious when they message me because I'm so tired of talking about their gender with them, but I still want to support them. Does this make me a bad friend?

- Stumped Support

Hello there, dearie!

First off, I am so proud of you for being a good support person for your friend. Being able to have a trustworthy, safe person that you can talk about your problems with is invaluable, particularly with such personal topics as someone's gender identity. You're a good friend for being that person for them and for honestly wanting to help them and do what you can for them.

This includes taking care of yourself, too!

You may have noticed that the people who author this advice column switch around here and there. This is because even the best caretakers need to take care of themselves, and we all need a break here and there from being the confidants, secret-keepers, and shoulders to cry on. It doesn't make you a bad person to feel overwhelmed with the amount of information being shared or the emotional weight someone is asking for help shouldering. We're only human, after all, and we can't help others if we're not doing well.

My best advice is to talk to your friend and let them know that you support and love them, but that you're feeling a bit overwhelmed and need to decompress. Try going out somewhere together where you're both comfortable and just having a good time, particularly if it's something or somewhere that is gender-affirming for your friend. That way, you can show support for them in a positive way, instead of one that's causing discomfort!

I love you very much, dearie!

Love,
Your Queer Auntie

Hello, lovely Prism readers, and welcome back to A Beautiful Soul, where we share stories from people within the LGBTQ+ community. This time we're featuring the story of HEXian Cat, who was happy for me to share their name with you all. As with the last time I featured someone else's story, there has been no editing of their story as it's exactly that - theirs. Join me in reading Cat's story!

My story began back in 2020. I was fourteen at the time, and until then had learnt very little about what it meant to be LGBTQ+. Education in schools about the LGBTQ+ community in Scotland, whilst required, is something that is covered incredibly lightly, and beyond learning about the existence of people who aren't straight or cisgender, I was left pretty much clueless. I'd never met anyone who was openly LGBTQ+, so I (incorrectly) assumed that it was something uncommon.

However, that changed when I fell for a girl in my year, around the beginning of 2020. I was really confused about what I was feeling (I identified as female at the time) and months of questioning and research followed, during which I spent time thinking I was aromantic/asexual or maybe lesbian. I also spent a lot of time in denial because I was terrified of admitting that I was different as well as of potentially coming out. But after a while, I came to the conclusion that I was most likely bisexual.

A year later, it hit me that I didn't feel like I'm female. After considering it for a while, I decided to experiment with my pronouns, first using she/they pronouns and eventually switching to they/them pronouns, which are the pronouns I use now. I also tried out going by a gender-neutral name amongst friends, but ultimately it felt really wrong, so I gave up on that idea pretty quickly. Generally, I use the term non-binary to describe my gender, but after researching it, I've realised that genderflux is probably the label that fits me closest (although honestly, I've never felt like putting a label to my gender/sexuality has been of much benefit to me). Genderflux is something that's similar to being genderfluid, except instead of your gender shifting, it's the intensity of your gender that changes. For me, I tend to shift between genderless and kind-of-female, with the intensity of how female I feel varying from moment to moment. Most of the time, though, I don't feel very tied to gender, which is why I feel more comfortable using non-binary as a blanket term.

Coming out to the people I cared about was terrifying. I honestly expected everyone to be homophobic, but out of all the people I've told so far, very few have reacted that way. My friends have been my biggest source of support, and since I came out to them, a lot of them have also come out as LGBTQ+.

Currently, I'm the most confident I've ever been in my sexuality and gender. I went to my first Pride event in 2022, and have been existing more openly as who I am. My journey is nowhere near being over yet, but no matter where it takes me, I'm just grateful to have people who support me in my life.

I think many of us can relate to being in denial about our sexuality or gender identity, as well as not getting enough education about it and scouring the internet to find information. I'm glad that Cat has found themselves a lovely support system, as well as friends who can possibly relate to their experience. Let's hope their journey takes them to even more positive places. Don't forget to come back next month to read another beautiful story from more beautiful souls like yourself.