Dear Queer Auntie,

I'm having the worst time trying to find a good gift for my partner this year! They always get me something amazing, and I tend to struggle and panic at the last minute. Any ideas?

Panicked Pixie

Hello there, dearie!

First off, do yourself a favor and take a deep breath. I know how anxiety-inducing gift shopping can be, especially if you're trying to find something for someone you love. As long as the gift comes from your heart I am sure they will love whatever you get for them!

I'm a big fan of saving money where I can, and I love making gifts for people instead of buying things. If you're talented in the kitchen, maybe you can whip up some of their favorite tasty treats and dress them up in a nice gift box or tin. If knitting or crocheting is more your thing, you could create a sweater or scarf to keep your sweetie warm. You could even try your hand at clay or whittling wood to make something from the heart for your beloved.

If you feel more comfortable spending money, why not spend it on an experience with your sweetheart? Are there things they like to do, or places they like to go that you could go to together as a gift? If they're a fan of outdoor activities, maybe you can plan a hike or a picnic, or a day at mini-golf - the possibilities are endless!

If you're still struggling, it never hurts to ask them directly for suggestions. No matter what, any gift you give them will be much appreciated.

Good luck, dearie, and have a wonderful holiday!

Love,
Your Queer Auntie

Dear Queer Auntie,

I came out as transgender earlier this year, and now I've got to go home for the holidays. While my parents are good at remembering my pronouns about 80% of the time, the rest of my family either doesn't know or hasn't seen me since I came out, and I just know it's going to be a weekend of misgendering and invasive questions. Help!

Tired Transperson

Hello there, dearie!

First off, I'm so proud of you for living your truth and coming out, darling! That's a big, scary thing, and I'm so glad you're in a place to do so comfortably. Also, I'm so glad your folks are doing so well with your pronouns! It sometimes takes folks who've known you for a long time to change how they address you, and I'm really happy that they're putting in the work!

I can imagine the dread you must be feeling right about now. If you'd rather stay home and you feel comfortable doing so, you're allowed to not go to things. If you're unable to get out of going for whatever reason, though, you may be facing an evening of discomfort. What happens is up to you - if you feel comfortable telling your family and having those conversations, you might find that you have more allies in your family than you thought. You could also choose to grit your teeth and bear through the event, which is the least enticing option, but I know that if you have to, you can get through it. Just remember, the event won't last forever, and you'll be home soon.

No matter what, please know that you are loved and appreciated for you who are. Have a lovely holiday, dearie!

Love,
Your Queer Auntie

Welcome to another article of A Beautiful Soul! Here you will hear about experiences and stories from people's lives within the LGBTQ+ community. This can be anything they wish to share with us, so please be careful proceeding further as this article may contain information that can be triggering for some readers

Today, we are sharing this story that is truly only a glimpse into this person's life. The floor is all yours.

First, thank you for having me here, and hello everyone! Wow, the pressure of sitting here and telling my story feels more intense than I thought it would, but in a good way. It's an adrenaline rush for this introvert. Ha ha!

Some of this is hard to talk about, but I'll try my best to not get distracted from the topic. So, first and foremost, I suffer from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and it really can make expressing my identity hard. My mood can be very unstable, which does harm my relationships with family, friends, and partners. This is why I tend to stick to myself, though I do crave attention at times. My mood swings can be intense, but I've been on medication for a few years and it has helped some. I was diagnosed when I was 23, after 3 years of talking to multiple doctors. I'm now 28. Rejection has been a big trigger that throws me into an episode.

How does this relate to my identity, you may ask? I'm a lesbian who presents themself as feminine. I feel like my BPD doesn't get taken seriously, especially by the male population in my area, from my personal experience. I live in the "Bible Belt", which is a region of the United States that is very Christian and conservative. I've been called many hateful words and terms because I'd rather seek female attention based on my preferences; I've been told I come off as too needy and clingy. That's why men don't want me. Not because I'm not attracted to males. I've been the victim of emotional and physical assault because my choices weren't "socially acceptable". Society's outlook on me has sent me into manic episodes when I've had some intense disagreements.

I've had partners say they can't deal with my emotional instability and have been in some really toxic relationships. Do I think my BPD has aided in this? Yes. I've definitely picked some real winners even when I've been at a low point in my mental health. My partner now is absolutely amazing. They have been so helpful with my path to discovery. It's a long one. I've learnt a lot from this person, including ideas about love, joy, and how to build healthy connections with people. My emotions are very strong and they have shown me that it's okay. In the past, I've thought simple hugs were bothering people.

How does this harm my identity? I don't feel like I can express myself properly at times. I guess it depends on the environment as well, but for a good bit of time I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I'm going to be unstable and be rejected. (By others besides my partner--they are my safety zone.) There are things I'm not up for sharing just yet. I'm sorry, but this does get very intense. Depression is very real and harmful to me. I won't say more than that, but yeah, life is hard. BPD is hard. Medicine has helped and as I get older, this doesn't feel as strong as it has when I was younger. I've also learned my triggers with some help. Will I ever be free of BPD? No. I've found someone who makes me feel like less of a nuisance, and that BPD isn't the end of the world. They make me feel validated as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. That I'm not a "fake lesbian" as I've been told. My sexual preferences aren't because of my BPD. The first time they affirmed everything I knew, euphoria happened.

I hope you all can brave your storms and find your happiness. Much love to you all. I do hope this was enlightening and that you take something from what I'm comfortable sharing. Happy trails!

Thank you for sharing with us. As our guest leaves, their story will stay with us. While not everyone's story is the same, we hope you find your happiness and can live life to the fullest.

Thank you, my beautiful souls! Another article in the books, but there are many more to come. Remember, you're all amazing just the way you are!