Dear Reader,

First, an apology to my fellow aces for how many times I'm about to say "sex". Yes, friends, it makes me uncomfortable too.

Our sexual orientation is something that's deeply personal to each one of us. It's a small piece of who we are, and it deserves to be recognized and respected. Part of our sexual orientation is, well, sex. We're hardwired to want, to need sex. Why? Sex is part of being human. Sex makes us whole.

Except... it doesn't.

However suddenly shocking or overly mundane that may seem, it's true. At least, for some of us.

Think about everyone you know. Friends, colleagues, classmates. Chances are that you can think of a few that you'd never even consider having sexual relations with, right? Now, imagine if you felt that way towards everyone, if you would never consider doing it with anyone you know. That's a little what it's like for an asexual individual (that's someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction to others). They don't see a hot individual and think, "Wow, I could do so many things with them." Yet, some aces do have sex.

Why? Some aces are sex-favorable. This means that while they don't experience the attraction to someone, they can still enjoy the deed. Think of a type of food that you like to order at a restaurant. Some aces are sex-indifferent. This means that they don't care much one way or the other. Think of a food that you'll eat if it's on your plate, but you wouldn't go out of your way to put it there. Some aces are sex-adverse. This means that they generally try to steer clear of it. Think of it as pushing a food you don't like to the side of your plate instead of eating it. And finally, some aces are sex-repulsed. This means that the thought of sex is quite undesirable. Imagine someone who gags at the sight of steak that's rare.

Moving along, let's debunk some things that aces hear.

"You just haven't found the right person yet."

That's like telling someone who's allergic to shellfish that they just haven't found the right crustacean.

"How do you know if you haven't tried it?"

What do you mean you wouldn't like the taste of yesterday's raw, spoiled milk? How do you know if you haven't tried it?

"If you're asexual, then why are you in a relationship?"

So glad you asked! There are generally three(ish) types of asexual. You can be either a romantic ace, a grey-ace, or an aro-ace. Starting with the easiest to explain, aro-ace stands for aromantic asexual. This is someone who doesn't experience romantic OR sexual attraction. Then there's grey-ace, which describes someone who sometimes feels sexual attraction, but it's all very confusing to them. Finally, there's a romantic ace. This is someone who wants a partner to love, cuddle, hold hands with, and maybe even kiss. How much an ace is comfortable with depends on the ace in question. (Personally, I'm a romantic ace, but I don't need to swap saliva when kissing. That's disgusting!)

It's worth noting that there are also demisexuals. These are individuals who need to establish strong emotional connections before forming sexual attraction. This is the same with demiromantics. They need bonds before being romantically attracted.

Additionally, within the ace spectrum, we have romantic titles. For example, there are biromantic aces, gay/lesbian aces, heteroromantic aces, pan aces… you name it. Pretty much any label you would stick -sexual on the end of, aces stick -romantic on the end of to denote who they are attracted to romantically in addition to how.

Now, I shall let you into a little secret of ours. Aces sometimes wear a black ring on their right middle finger. We call this ... *dramatic drumroll* ... an ace ring. I know, so creative. But because the rest of LGBT+ is usually so loud with their pride, we sometimes feel inferior and like we aren't heard, so we do small things to remind ourselves that it's okay to be ace, hence the ring. No one knows what it's for except us and other aces. It's our secret (and now yours). So, if you see someone wearing a black ring on their right middle finger, go ahead and tell them it's cool, then ask them what it's for. If they're wearing it because they're ace, they'll appreciate being seen.

Finally, I'd like to leave you with a note. Don't ostracize us, please. We may not be one of the main four letters in LGBTQ+, but we're still there: in LGBTQIA. We are the A. A stands for asexual, not ally. We exist. Hear us. See us. In a world with so much overtly-sexualized media, it's really hard. We don't have relatable TV characters. You know how most LGBTQ+ folks get really happy when they see a gay character? Think about a sex-adverse or a sex-repulsed person having to sit through the sex scenes or uncomfortable kissing sequences. Think how awful sex-ed could be for an asexual. I will ask of you one thing. Next time you hear a dirty joke, just remember us and consider our perspective.

Love,
Breehia

Hello, and welcome to Alluring Acronyms! This article is all about exploring the world through the lens of the letters of the LGBTQIAP acronym, and for this issue our letter of focus is 'T'. The theme for this article will be 'Trans* Terminology' so please sit back, relax, and let me take you on a whistlestop tour of some of the phrases and words related to the trans* community.

Firstly, let's start with the term itself - 'trans'. This is an encompassing term, meaning that it has more than one root origin, but more often than not it's used as shorthand for 'transgender'. The other word it can be shorted from is 'transsexual' but this is an antiquated medical term and has started to fall out of use with the general population in favour of the more neutral term mentioned prior.

So, what exactly does 'transgender' mean then? Well, simply put, it means someone who has a cognitive dissonance between the gender they were assigned at birth and the gender they personally identify with. (Note, this applies to both binary or non-binary identities, this will be explained further later). Of course, there also has to be an opposite of 'transgender'. Those who are perfectly happy with the gender they were assigned at birth, and live their life as such, would be classified as 'cisgender'.

Okay, so let's circle back to the terms 'binary' and 'non-binary'. Much like in code, binary means that there are two options. The vast majority of our world operates under the system of 'male' and 'female' when it comes to gender, which is a binary system. However, there are many, many identities that do not fit the strict 'one or the other' model, and the umbrella term that can be used for these is 'non-binary'. It's important to know that the term 'trans(gender)' is still valid when talking about non-binary identities because the definition of the term still fits, but it is up to individuals what term they identify with, which brings us to the next point.

You may have noticed that earlier, I used an asterisk in 'trans*'. Because many people still assume that the term applies to only those who transition from male to female or vice versa, the asterisk is important to acknowledge those non-binary voices that are often left out of the discussion. Of course, each individual is different and will have varying connections to certain terminology, but on the whole the asterisk is an important distinction and addition, and it should be included.

Another important distinction to make is the difference between sex and gender. The former of the two is purely medical and refers to biology. The sex characteristics present at birth dictate the gender someone is assigned by society, excluding the cases where someone has multiple conflicting characteristics, which is most commonly known as being 'intersex'. Your gender identity is how you perceive your own gender and can be changed at any time, whereas your sex is relatively fixed in place.

I think that covers all the basics, but in the future there may well be an in-depth look at some more specific terms that are a little less commonly used outside of the trans* community. For now, I hope this has helped to distinguish some of the language that is most common when it comes to the trans* community. If you have any questions or concerns about anything you've read in this article you can absolutely contact me (Maya) for clarifications!