Hello, fabulous readers! Thank you for joining me today here at A Beautiful Soul. We've shared many stories in the past, and today will be no different. So, take a seat, and we hope you are enlightened and enjoy.
As always, things said here may be triggering, so please proceed with caution.
Hi everyone, I'll be referring to myself as Nikki during this. I'm not "out" and prefer to stay that way for now. Most people believe I'm a cis-woman and while that's not the case, I'm not in a safe space to be my true self.
Many people have probably not heard of this term before, but I identify as Two-Spirited, as well as a few other things I'll get to later. What is Two-Spirited, you ask? It's generally a term used by Indigenous people such as Native Americans. It dates back to pre-colonial times and some sources say it pre-dates gender as well as Western religion. There are many accounts of what Two-Spirited means, as it varies per tribe, so please do your research. The most common and what I identify with is both a masculine and a feminine spirit. It is a bit of an umbrella term; you can be trans, lesbian, or gay and still be Two-Spirted. You can be with the same sex.
At first, I thought I was Bigender, but after researching my Native roots I came across this term. It was the first time I felt like I got it right on something in my identity journey. I do still have body dysmorphia at times, but it's not as strong as what I've heard from others feel who experience body dysmorphia. This is from my personal experience talking to those who are non-binary, trans, and genderfluid. I don't bind or anything as it is which spirit I'm feeling at the time.
I also identify as Panromantic Demisexual. This means I have to have a strong bond with someone to feel attraction towards them and they can be any gender. This part is pretty easy to understand. For me, it's very straightforward and something I am very comfortable with.
There is another side of myself I am discovering/trying to come to terms with. My main issue with this part of my identity is the current policies/laws in my state that are changing. So, once again, it's more of a safety issue for me. LGBTQ+ individuals are facing many battles with the government in my state and country. I do fear what would happen to me if I came out. I live in a heavily religious area that doesn't necessarily approve of my lifestyle choices. So, in the closet I stay. I dream of one day being able to live my truth and tell my partner how I truly feel. Until then, I'm planning the day I come out on HEX. Maybe on a significant date, I will. For now, I will remain playing the part of a cis-woman to those who know me, for my safety.
If there's anything you don't understand that I've said, please, please do research. Education is the only way we learn things. Thank you for hearing my story. I hope one day to give you an update!
I'd like to thank Nikki for sharing their story/experience with us. I'm sure that was hard as they are worried about their safety. We applaud their courage. Until next time, my dear readers, keep your head high, you beautiful soul!