Hello all! Welcome to another poetry column! In this edition, I have written a poem called 'Why Learn?'. I thought about the whole idea of pronouns and how a lot of people like to be addressed by their preferred pronouns. These come in all different types. Unfortunately, there are many people who still resist calling people by their preferred pronouns, possibly not realizing why it matters.
Why learn?
It's just words, you say,
these pronouns don't matter,
just words, who cares what I say?
If I call you he, why does it matter?
You want to be called they, but that's not my way.
I know you're gay, that's what they all say.
Don't be offended just because I don't say they.
Why does it matter?
It matters. Whether it's she, he, or they.
It matters because it's me.
That is who I am.
When you call me by my pronouns
I feel like you care, like we are friends.
It matters because it makes us friends.
Only strangers would ignore feelings
Don't be a stranger, be my friend.
Dear Queer Auntie,
A girl that I used to be in the same class with asked me out a few months ago. Because I wasn't out and wasn't really sure about my sexuality, I kind of ghosted her instead of just saying no. Is it too late to approach her and see if she's still up for it? Have I missed my chance?
Ghost Girl Gone
Hello there, dearie!
First off, I want to say that I'm proud of you for doing some self-reflection and accepting feelings that you weren't quite sure of at the time. I feel like taking the time to think things through and giving yourself room to grow and change instead of making snap decisions is the best way to go, particularly in matters of the heart. Also, if you're not sure of your sexuality, getting romantically involved with anyone doesn't have the best odds of working out for anyone involved.
Now I don't know this person that asked you out, but I know from my own experiences that ghosting can really hurt the other person. Putting yourself out there and taking the risk of asking someone out is scary, and getting not just rejected, but also completely ignored, is painful. I wouldn't be surprised if this person doesn't want to talk to you for behaving that way - and she is fully entitled to feel that way. You'll have to accept that before reaching out to her. She may not want to talk to you at all, and you have to be okay with that outcome.
Now, my best advice for approaching her is going to be to come directly with an apology. You can tell her that you didn't know where you fell on the sexuality spectrum and that you weren't out at the time, but you have to realize that those are explanations, not excuses, and that your behavior was a choice you made. Apologize openly and honestly, and then let the ball be in her court. Don't ask her out. Don't tell her you think she's good-looking. You're going to have to rebuild trust with her before you can even broach the subject of a relationship, and that's going to take time. Ultimately, the choice is hers whether or not you'll still stay connected at all.
I don't want to sound harsh, dearie - we have all acted in ways that we regret at some point or another in our lives and hurt someone else. Part of growing up is recognizing when we've done something wrong, owning up to it, and offering to make amends for what we've done. I hope that you can at least find a friendship out of this, and that your days of ghosting are far behind you. I'm rooting for you, dearie!
Love,
Your Queer Auntie
